Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
