Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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