Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
