apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
