if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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