so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
