I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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