Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
