I smell stomach acid.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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