This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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