I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
