and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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