you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
