Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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