I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
