doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
