After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
