dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I did not marry a roomba.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
