I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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