I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
