I met the friendliest cop last night
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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