My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
