I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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