Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
