drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
