i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
