Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
