Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
