I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
