Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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