Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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