What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
