hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
