You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This is the high leading the old right now
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
