cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
