im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
