oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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