Capitaan dildo arrescate!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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