At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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