this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
