I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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