five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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