And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
