What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
