I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
