how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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