She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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