I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
