yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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