"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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