How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
