Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
