Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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