I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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