Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
