Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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