I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
When are your genitals available?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
