i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
