It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
