drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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